dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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