Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
