how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need to calm my uterus...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
