i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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