FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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