six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
