I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
