when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
