Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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