THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
