They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
