If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
