The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
