My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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