Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
