Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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