I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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