ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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