You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
