Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
