she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
