also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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