pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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