How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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