So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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