stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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