She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
