Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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