I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
