Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My ass is underappreciated
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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