I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
