she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
