My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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