woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
