I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i permit you to call me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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