I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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