if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
