I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
