Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
