I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
