there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
