some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
