My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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