I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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