ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
