We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
