I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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