My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
