I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
