Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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