Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
