she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
