Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
