I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm getting married
To pizza
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
