I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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