Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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