Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
