please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
