I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
