the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
