Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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